I begin to copy others when I am empty of brain.

I forgot I had a blog.  Dammit.  I was sitting at home last night, sated with the weight of mexican food and Dairy Queen, when it suddenly occurred to me that I had started this new blog and hadn't posted, (or been online for that matter) for 3 days.  Well, now I have to catch up. 

 All the blogs I read have had a significant amount of stuff about parenting and fatherhood the last few days, and I want to lend my perspective to the clutter.  My father moved out when I was 5.  He was a raging alcoholic at the time, so that was probably a smart move.  He gave up drinking on his own, with none of the support systems that the world has given us (I do not recommend this, by the way).  Because of his slow recovery and realization that he had been a complete asshole to ALOT of people, (that part is just coming through now.  Seriously) I didn't see him alot for the next 10 years or so.  About the time I was 14 or 15, he started showing up enough to do some of his jobs.  He taught me how to drive an automatic transmission, (Mom taught me manual when I was 13), told me I should start buying condoms and using them (I didn't lose my virginity 'til I was 18, but thanks for the thought Dad) and just generally started acting like my Dad.  My Dad had, at that time, screwed up 2 marriages and moved out on 4 kids.  I was the only boy, and the youngest.  This particular set of facts made me lucky.  Dad probably had a good idea how to relate to boys, seeing as how he has his very own penis, and I had the benefit of time.  Dad had time to heal and pull his head part-way out of his ass by the time I needed someone to straighten me out a little.  He would take me fishing, (if you are visualizing that, we shore fish, and catch almost nothing) take me out to dinner, take me down to Missouri to visit his family and my two half-sisters. (my "whole sister" went away to college and immediately stopped going on the Missouri trips)  Dad and I had alot of time together.  It gave me the chance to figure some stuff out.  The only thing Dad really knew how to do was love his kids.  I think he probably really fucked up with my oldest sister at some point, because they do not get along well, and the other 2 are sort of in the exasperated middle ground.  But he loves all four of us more than anything in the world.  And for that, plus a few good books he has given me, I am grateful.  I am far from an awesome father.  I yell at my kids when they are bad, and sometimes when they are not.  And I, perhaps, could do a far better job of understanding my daughter, But I make absolutely, goddamned sure they know how much I love them.  I just hope that's enough.  'Cause I suck at everything else, other than shore fishing. . .